Tonight, before I went to bed, I had a fly become trapped in my room. After seeing no immediate way out, as it proceeded to fly in the same frenzied trajectory off of the same three points on the same wall of my room.- Always the wall, the light, the closet, the light, the wall..

So concerned. With the immediacy of his being confined with no exit offered from the same spots each time.- Something that must have been maddening. So concerned, that he did not (I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt..regarding his potential cognitive abilities) think to look and seek out the darkened, opened door for escape on the other side of the room. After landing on the wall again, I killed him..to some degree under the frame of mind that said that I was putting him out of his misery (as much as I was alleviating mine in being able to sleep). Had he seen the door, he would have lived.

I looked at this again. How are we mentally trapped? And by what? What are we fixated on? What constantly pervades our consciousness? In our shared human psychology, our cultural attachments,our personal obsessions, our addictions..on any level, what is.. keeping us focused on our same frenzied trajectories that we keep going to, as if they’ll ever offer a way out into where we need to or want to be. And how, in our willingness actively seek out ideas, concepts, realities that are foreign to us give us channel to our freedom, freedom from both the mental and physical worlds around us that only serve to keep us enchained?

They say the truth will set you free. Maybe sometimes we have to find it just to stay alive.

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~ by crossmd on July 2, 2009.

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